My Alpha Hemorrhoid Strikes Back With A Vengance (Not For the Faint Hearted)

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My Alpha Hemorrhoid Strikes Back With A Vengance (Not For the Faint Hearted)

This morning I went to the bathroom and stood up to find that the toilet was filled entirely with blood.

After this occurred exactly seven more times, it was clear to me that something was very wrong. I suspected my alpha hemorrhoid had something to do with this mess, but I couldn’t be sure.

All of a sudden I felt sweaty, nauseated and unable to move from the couch. Thankfully I was at my parent’s place at the time. My protective maternal instinct kicked in. I motioned to Ari and exclaimed to my mom:
“Get him out of here!” She rushed my little guy out of the room.

Then I vomited on my favorite hoody and jeans, which made me very sad. After expending all this energy on bodily functions, I could not rise from the couch and I knew something was, in fact, very wrong with me. Before I realized what I was saying I’d already called out to my mom:
“Call 911!”
“Okay, okay!” My mom said in a state of shock.

The ambulance arrived, and there were three surprisingly friendly EMS workers in my parent’s apartment. As she administered an oxygen mask to my face while I was lying on the couch, Samantha (one of the EMS workers) commented on how cute my parent’s cats were and said that she had five of her own.

Samantha, Guermo, and Ryan (who I kept calling “Adam” because I was so out of it) navigated the stretcher they placed me on through the narrow hallways of my parent’s garden apartment.

On the ride to the hospital, my mom warned these unsuspecting EMS workers that they might end up on my blog.

I’ve said many times how much I love the Emergency Room, and by “love” I mean “hate with the fire of a thousand suns!” Oddly enough, this time the ER wasn’t so bad. Here are the reasons why this visit to the ER was borderline pleasant!

1. An extremely competent Physician’s Assistant named Florence. She complimented me on knowing when to call 911. I said: “I’m a child of the 80’s, when you see something say something!” She replied “I’m a child of the 50’s, just stay home and die!”
2. A kind Nurse Tech named Sheldon who put on my hospital socks FOR me. They were fancy and turquoise! I stole them, naturally.
3. I got to take a 20 minute nap while I was waiting for my blood work results!
4. A hospital volunteer came to my room and asked if there was anything he could do to make my stay more comfortable. He wondered aloud if I might like a pillow? I exclaimed “Yes!”
5. Nurse Gabrielle, who continued to help me even when she “wasn’t my nurse anymore.”
6. I didn’t have to stay overnight! And I got home at a reasonable hour: 4:30pm!

It truly makes a difference to have pleasant helpful folks around you when you think that you may have something horribly wrong with you.

Have you ever had a pleasant ER experience?

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By | 2014-04-06T02:04:16+00:00 March 4th, 2010|Anecdotes, Emergency Room, Hemmorhoids, Hospital|Comments Off on My Alpha Hemorrhoid Strikes Back With A Vengance (Not For the Faint Hearted)
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